arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
