Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
