K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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