ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
