as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
