Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
