i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
