dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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