Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
