Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
