Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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