She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
