It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
