it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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