We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
