I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
