I puked a lego.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are we still banned from the library?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
