sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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