Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
