he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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