and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
