She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
