allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
