Your mouth is God's brothel.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
