shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
