And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i came on her dog
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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