Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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