Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
