mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
