I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
