I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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