I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
