Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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