He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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