Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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