its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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