I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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