I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
