I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
