True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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