one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
