how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
