i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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