I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your penis caused this!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
