this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
