highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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