I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
barbara walters just said penis...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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