we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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