Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
