Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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