But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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